Open Letter to God:

Dear God,

My ass hurts. If you would please be so kind to stop kicking it. Thank you.

Love,
Your Son Pantaleon

Change

Two close friends of mine have made the comment to me that I've changed in a negative way over the past couple of years. My close friend Heather thinks I've changed, and became an arrogant ass. Which was true for the time. My friend Lisa, says I don't depend on God and speak and praise his name as much I as I use to. Which is currently true. This has left many questions in my mind. Do I try to revert back? What was so good about the person I supposedly use to be? Can I revert back? I'm still pondering these questions. Truthfully, I don't know what to think. But I can see a positive correlation between the 2. I mean, God wants us to be good people and serve him, but recently, especially since college, I think the person getting stuff done positively for me has been myself. So I guess, I haven't been humble and given God his due for his good works. He has done good, just enjoys watching his subjects get tested, I mean just look at the man Job. He was tested by God to prove a point to the devil that he has people that will worship him and praise him no matter how bad things get. You know I don't envy Job. Also, you have to understand that I've been a zoology major, and we study how the environment works. The biggest issue in the animal world is adaptation and evolution. "Adapt or Die" as a sign in my biology teacher's class so mildly put it the first day of my High School Career. So isn't all change, that allows you to wake up and face everyday good? I mean to tell you the truth, I don't know how I'm making it anymore. Just feel lost. I wake up and go to class, hang out with Chris (my room mate) and worry about if my family is making it alright. If my mom has someone to talk to. If my dad has someone to help him with the work around the house. If my brother has someone to give a ride and to compensate for the overwhelming force that is my father. I do know one thing, getting drunk and raising hell with the RUF/NEKS isn't helping any. I mean I can't blame the organization I love dearly. I must take my part of what ever negative traits I have picked up. Just wish I knew what to do. I have my friends currently that say I worry too much about others. I could take their advice and just become focused on myself. But even as I write that, it doesn't sound right. I mean I grew up in a Hispanic family. God, Family, Friends, everyone else and then yourself. Those are the prioities that were instilled in me since birth. I also can't ignore the words of Lisa and Heather. Combined those 2 contain so much of my love, the only thing I can think of that I love more then those 2 would be God and then Selena, even if Selena happens to be a lot of trouble. I don't know, I just wish I had an easy fix it for this. All I think I can do is focus on my work, fill the minimal amount of duties that I have to the RUF/NEKS and just get my head together. Wish me luck and pray for me. I will say that as long as I have my choice to stay celibate until marriage, that whatever person that Heather and Lisa think I was, is still there. That proves that I've stuck and will stick to my morals that have always made me. Just need to refocus on my morals and define and support them.